I still have a lot of thing to study.
I need to learn more from the society.
about how they act on a doctor, how they respond to us.
I need to train myself to be stonger than I was before.
I must change myself into someone who is not fragile eventhou I know it will be really difficult because girl will always be a girl.
I won't pretend that I'm strong, but I'll try my best to be that kind of girl, a strong girl.
until one day, I have someone who will always be by my side.
to hear my feelings, to understand me, to comfort me, to love me.
I'm in a situation where my heart is not on the track.
I feel miserable for chosing to continue my studies in Malaysia.
I've been through a very difficult time.
I've been hurt by my friends.
I've been humiliated by the doctors.
my heart is not in peace.
everytime I pray, I cried.
everytime before I sleep, I cried.
everytime I had my shower, I sit down and screamed.
for what am I doing this?
for who? and why?
if I say it is for the society, I will be a very true liar,
now, I understand why some of doctors especially those in private clinics are settling their work just by giving panadols to the patients.
because they suffered so much, they don't wanna be a doctor in their first place.
but they need to. to live in this world which priorities money in everything.
depression took over them and they act like that.
I didn't say that I hate studying medicine.
I didn't say I don't wanna be a doctor.
I love this job, I feel honored to enroll myself as a doctor for another 4-5 years.
what I need now is to settle my heart, to ask Allah for His help.
O' Allah, I have no one but you. let my heart be in peace.
please ease everything in my life, now, and hereafter.
You are the One who knows everything that will happen in future, You understand me more than I do. You are my Creator, You are my saviour. keep my heart in peace, let the people around me happy and let the hatred fade.
O' Allah, forgive me for every bad thing I did, I said, I thought.
It has been awhile, thank you for reading, pray for me dears.
may Allah bless.